怎么最后还会作为夫妻
是因为两方都放不下
紧紧拉住这段情
还是，这就是缘分？
但是，我宁愿不要相信是缘分
因为这样，才会去努力
而不是知道始终会在一起，所以什么都不去做
好多次想放弃
但偏偏我是一个倔强，专一，死心塌地的人
marrying an ambitious husband
good or bad ?!?
all along, i know our thinking are different
eg. he thinks money is important. i am not saying to me, its not important. but i won't sacrifice that for family.
maybe because of this, that's why his attitude towards me n the r/s is really like what he always say 'whatever', 'up to you', 'anything'.
and thats why i am not his priority
that's why i always find it so xin ku.
like when we have big quarrel, i will go to his place
when i unhappy and don't want talk to him, he always can don't contact me longer than i don't contact him
when i unhappy and off his hp, he can want to change hp no.
the one to break down when had big quarrels with him is me.. (althou may his method is different, his is scream till lose voice, beat things till injured himself)
the one to be v.affected when quarrel is me
in the end, can't concentrated in things, feel emo n cry, is me
in some ways, he seems jue towards me.
有时吵架，我想不理他，想任性的一次发脾气
但是，他总是可以比我更硬
跟他吵架，我都是loser
有时想狠下心来
但到最后，辛苦的总是自己
but on the other hand, having an ambitious husband is better than having one with no ambitions
u have to worry for him
keep encouraging him
有时想到自己曾经为他做过的事情
或发生的一些事件。。
很讨厌这样的自己
一点的矜持，尊严都没有
不知道，一切值得吗
害怕。。以后会有一天，我会跟自己说
早知道，当初就应该狠下心
I noe i am not ur priority, but accepting tis truth hurts.
tts why sometimes i feel like im just a tool.
tis really explains all tts happening btwn us all along.. why the indifference.. why the "wateva", "anything", "up to u" attitude
but 知道了又如何
改变自己? 让自己也不去管？
对于感情。。。我不想这样做
现在，都不知道自己该做什么
或许会让他误会
但是，有时还真想让自己放空
不用想，不用担心
想做什么就去做
想几时做就几时做
想任性就任性
想闹别扭就闹别扭
想发脾气就发脾气
是不是人越大
拘束就特别多。。
必须考虑，照顾的事也多。。
同时，别人对你犯错的包容心却减少了。。
对他产生一种恐惧感
是对的吗？
害怕接听电话
害怕开手机or msn
害怕看到简讯
就因为害怕遇到让自己难过的事情
虽然不接，不听，不看可能让事情变糟，但还是怕一切更糟而不接，不听，不看
他说：他对我是一种尊敬而不是害怕
但我说：我对他，好像既是尊敬，也是害怕
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