buyin a house

last time i dun really tink of buyin a house
i also noe nuts abt it
thou i do pic myself having my own family, my own house
me and hubby can 过二人世界
our own children.

but things are just different
cos it appears tt he doesnt wan it

used to tell him tt i not pushin him to buy a flat
just as long as he got include that as part of the whole plan, i m alright

but right now
i feel like havin our own house

its not stayin in his house is super bad or in laws very bad or wat
its just i dun feel at ease. i cant do thgs at ease
it just still feel its the parents house
like i tell him outside toilet no place to hang clothes
ask him fix this
he makes me feel tt.. cos its not really affectin him, he doesnt hav the urgency to help me fix something for me to hang.
he said he knows. he needs to measure. needs to find
seriously, find wat? how long u need to measure? my house has a similar one.
its those extendable one. u jus roughly need to know the width, and just put it there accordin to the toilet width.
how to make him understd tis.. can say several times abt how urgent he will b if is thgs he wans but take own sweet time when comes to others thgs, even his wife.
i tink also, he feels beta to ask parents, and whether can make changes during tis tis tis mth... might not b good etc???!!!???
its kinda irritating at times
i cant wash hair
i wan do some simple thgs, ask him help me, he take own sweet time, might nt b gd i just do it...
like everythg wan to do, need to ask
u noe the kind of feeling
if is own house, thgs wil b different.
i dun hav to worry abt it

seriously
generally, i am a wife who do not mind stayin w the husband parents
however, tt will depend on the in laws
they are not bad

i have thought of can stay here den renovate the whole house
remove unnecessary stuffs, pack whole place
.. make it neater, cleaner, tidier and like a new house.. giv it a new look
but difficult cos they hav alot of thgs..
also but i tot... and even if the house is ours
when they are stayin w us, i stil might not b able to do thgs freely
not sure if they will mind or be unhappy
esp mil
i will b able to noe from her face..
it will still be 'in their house' impression if i stay there

how to say..
she is not bad
its just.. sometimes..
if she ask u do sth, u dun wan, she carries a look on her face, like displeased
cos is parents in law ma, i also wan them b happy
actually i hope to be able to talk like frens, of cos w a little more respect
but sometimes just cant.. theres still constraints..
so when she giv tt face, i will feel like... i jus cant talk freely. cant discuss thgs
it becomes more like she makes decision
mayb she is used to makin decision for the family
and making sure the kids obey.. tts why
but one thg abt mil is.. she really dotes them alot
i can see.. so also contradictin for me to say thgs
cos its all out of love..
its just i wish to point out to dear to hav own stand, but i not sayin to defy mil or wat.. but respect her.. meaning like if u hav own stand, u can discuss w mil, try to convince her..
but i tink one thg is his temper.. if he discuss w u awhile, u not ok, he throw temper le, lidat of cos mil wun happy la n wun wan hear u out..
so mayb tts why mil will say althou mel sometimes dun listen, but she still obedient, dun upset me. but james very naughty, always makes me upset.
so tis is also one thg tt upsets me at times.. cos i noe la, he is lidat.. i cnat deny tt.. but i feel.. mayb can also consider the fact tt he is very obedient, in a way, listen to her
though blindly at many times..

i read an article before..
explainin why mil n dil cant get along
cos they used to take care of the whole family
when u enter the house, she will expect to b still the same
and when the son is close to the dil... she will feel tt u r snatchin the son away
tts why some mil dun like dil or b fierce, cos they wan dil to noe tt im in charge here, in an indirect way la... u stil mus listen to me
also mentioned in the book is that.... when a mil n dil r/s turns sour, its the son/husband's fault.. he shd b the one doin the balancing.. it means hes not doin the job..

n as for james.. hes kinda lidat
he will say i am tryin my best to make u 2 tgt
but sometimes he didnt tink tt tt might nt b wat we wan
just b natural
dun force.. might create unhapiness
and at some point, he will just leave everythg aside, ask us to settle ourselves..
said he dun care etc...
he just dun understd
how can i just talk freely to mil
i feel.. theres some things its not for me to say....
its really difficult for me... later they say i rude, no respect, why i talk lidat.. haiz..
or is it just me.. paranoid..
also, for me, i usually stand neutral stand. so when like they quarrel, sometimes i tink he over react or what, i will tell him tat actually i feel mother lidat is also for ur good, but he will feel that i side mother.
same thing that when me n him quarrel, he sometimes also tink mother sides me
he is simply too blinded by emotions and over confidence at times to be able to see things clearly..

anyway, as for house
i seriously dun understd where he is getting at
cos at first some reasons he said, i understd, i went to find out but it can be done
den i told him.. den he said other reasons...
like dun wan use cpf, if i chg job not enuf, ex to buy now, wan buy condo, dun wan buy sk house, wan buy amk house, say how abt bills, say even if own house, wun help clean up etc etc..
giv diff sorts of reasons, chgin here n there, somes totally not understandable
then sometime say le.. he wil just say.. ok, u wan, u n mum sit down talk..
see ?!? haiz....
i tink mayb for him his concerns are mil, ah bei, his finance, overdependent..
hes like 敷衍我
mayb even theres amk house, theres money, he might not buy lor.. even if buy, its not our own..

if we buy a BTO now
jus nice 3 yrs later
we get marry n can choose to continue stayin at amk or move in
if not moving in, we can rent out the house to others but leavin the masterbed room locked
all the bills are paid by the tenant and on top of that, they pay us rental fees
so no matter wat, sure earn de
den aft 5 yrs, when theres a beta price, we can sell it away
use the money to buy our own house
also for the point tt he is worried tt the cpf money will b gone.
the cpf money also cannot b taken out
its only when u are old, they will giv u a sum of money
and even then, is bit by bit... so still not all
tis is why ppl are investing on house, 'to earn money from cpf' since govt dun allow us to touch'..

if he is not buyin w me
i wonder how
can i buy on my own
can i buy w parents
he dun wan earn money
i will jus do it myself n show him there will b profit

he said the more we said, the more he wun do
i also the same kind
the more he said dun wan, the more i wan

i actually understd perhaps his mum dun wan us to move out
actually she kept sayin prefer us to move out.. during quarrel
but i tink for her is 2-3 reasons ba..
first cos of wat ah bei says, 2nd cos james still haven prove himself to her, 3rd cos james is only son and doted son

and one thg i feel for him y he dun wan move out
he kept sayin he can tis n tat
but it seems inside tt he still cant really let go of his parents
he still need alot of support
even thou when u say tis
he will say.. no lor, if really come to one day, i can de lor
but when we quarrel.. n say some thgs.. he will say i will still need them one lor
ahh.. hes contradicting himself

anyway, aft wat i observe, i feel tt he still cant leave without his parents support

actually one thg tt disturb me is.. when mil says 'he wans lidat, ok lo. challenge me huh. says dun need me huh. nvm, i will make him come back de la. eventually he will noe he still needs me to support him de' ->> feel like tellin mil n also feel like tellin him but at the same time.. dun wan cause quarrel or mil to tink i 打小报告 n maybe its just 气话, dun mean it. cos cant blame, james most of the time will force ppl to say sth lidat.. den blame us for sayin sth lidat n quarrel again..。 but seriously, can u understd my feelin? cos hes my husband, no matter wat, u hear sth lidat... makes me feel tt.. my husband is just a 'soldier' tt she can manipulate w. but is kinda really lor... a mummy boy..


i tried to point out somethings before
like sometimes mayb mil say cant do tis
james is those tt follow strictly
sth unsure, call mil straight to ask can or not huh, very paranoid lidat
but sometimes u see mil or sil doin it
makes me feel tt he is very straight, not flexible, and dun hav his own opinion, cant make own decision.. mayb also cos of tis, he becums paranoid n gets v.dependent
i am surprised he pointed tis out tt day...but then mil says its ok u all dun wan listen
anythg dun come blame me
do so much for u all, u all blame me
i can understd wat she means... tts why i also got say, 出发点是好的, also concern abt children, so also cant blame. its just mayb shd try to hav a balance.. dun b over.. kinda restrictive at times.. and in turn makes ppl turn away from them.. like outcast.. den they will tink, nvm dun care abt ppl..

so sometimes, i hope he can b like his sis.. listen but at the same time, have own stand n opinion. even if sometimes follow own stand, mum says a little bit but still side her and after that also okay.
so wish him dun evrythg follow blindly.. ask him why.. he said i also duno, mum say, just do.

especially now, he has not just his opinion n stand to tink of, he shd consider mine n discuss w me, listen to my voice also...
haiz.. sometimes i wonder. now alrdy lidat.. like everythg also listen to him.. n he listen to his mum
thou i told him before... next time children.. i wan teach them. i worried might hav conflicts
i dun wan my children to b over superstitious
but lidat.. mayb might b defyin my mil
and since my husband is alrdy so 'poisoned'.. he might nt like it too
n since he also so mummy boy (or mayb just paranoid, so play safe)
he might just..ask me follow.. if i dun, he just 'u go talk to mum la. i dun wan care. u both making me v.xinku' etc etc..... its actually avoiding.. shirkin responsibility... mayb hes too used to parents helpin him w everythg.. sometimes i feel hes still not mature..
but tell him also no use.. cos his personality is like.. feel superb abt himself but at the same time, need others assurance, affirmation..
anyway, i am saying.....now alrdy lidat, in future how... (even if now agreed, mayb by then, no use) when giv birth le, theres nth i can do right.. if i dun follow .. he can just throw temper. makes me xin ku.. but they are my children... can i stand firm.. i dun wan my kids to be like that...

and if he is a businessman then... situation will b laggi worse...

seriously... if i can.. i hope thgs r differnet... haiz... but its jus me...

i jus wan a happy n blissful marriage family... but seems so complicated n far away

i wan my opinion to b heard.. need to discuss thgs n decide tgt.. not ordered to follow.. i have not been myself...

Posted by jasmine at 9:39 AM