i don't want to keep guessing, waiting
i feel i have become a 'look for u when i am feelin good, dun contact when i am feelin unhappy' person to him... yet i am the wife
unstandable maybe, cos i am always so 'easily available', i can accommodate so well with his schedule
i am very disappointed and upset
i don't wish to keep getting upset, disappointed and crying cos of him
i don't wish to have so many uncertainties, worries
i feel that, for someone who fails to give the partner the confidence, the assurance, the r/s is unstable, there are bound to be problems...
'Is this the kind of relationship u wanted?'
he is still immature, marriage seems like a game to him
i may be immature too, but definitely not on feelings, marriage
i want a relationship that, when i think about it, when i talk about it, it brings a smile to my face, i feel blissful
i am envious about others.. some simple yet sweet love
attended a friend's wedding today
what the pastor said really makes me ponder
thinking back on our relationship...
1) james said, when he is upset, he keeps things to himself cos he feels that why makes them upset too and also, theres nothing they can do..
but to me, it makes me feel that i am not someone he can rely on.. its ok not to know what happen but at least i wish i am someone he can lean on when he's tired.
i wish to participate in his everything, just like i wish him to participate in my everything
2) pastor said 'marriage is something that shouldn't be rushed into'.
when i reject him the first time, things got so bad that he wished to cancel wedding plans. Cos thou i reject him that time, both families were aware that we are planning to get engaged. At that time, i felt that our r/s is still not stable, he is still not able to give me the sense of security, there seems to be other reasons why he is proposing that time. when i saw that he got so dejected and that it seems our r/s is on the rock, i accepted his second but first official proposal.
when things happened and i told him how i felt... he said he will try not to be self-centred, he will think more for me, love me more
i felt happy but also felt...
but why? if u love someone, there's no need to try. It just comes from within, u wan the best for him/her, u wan him/her to be happy
the way he is doing to me or our r/s seems to be slowly forcing me to change
to someone... i duno how to say
be a man that is worth me doing all these, i don't need you to be rich, i just want u to love & treasure me
m i askin for too much?
why do i not have confidence.. u make me feel that i am not the right person for u.. i m fearful.. that one day, u might meet someone u love and realise that she is the one..
but as for tis point, i know wat i need to do, i need to have self-confidence, need to be independent and sociable... n also trust in him w regards to tis..
cos if he can be swayed easily by others, he's just not worthy.
so the main issue, i guess, remains with his attitude
same thing.. rebalance is the key to salvaging our r/s..
but it takes two hands to clap
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