something that i dun like to experience
something that i dun wish ppl to know or see
and not for ppl to discuss as if 'its nth' among them
i appreciate his concern for wanting to help
but let me give an analogy
a boy wanted to help a girl overcome her fear of water
one day, he ask his mum to make arrangement for them to go into the water
a day before, the girl told the boy that she wishes to back out
she wishes to explain the feeling of the fear and how much she doesnt wish to be put into such situation but she felt the boy wasnt keen to know or listen, not attentive
after some unhappiness, the boy said ok, we will cancel.
however, when the actual day came, the boy said that he will follow as well, so that the girl wun b tt fearful.
when they reached that place, the girl felt very nervous and worried of what might happen
the boy can sense it and ask the girl to stop thinking.
once again, the girl told him that she wishes to back out
the boy kept askin her to face her fear.
her inner side was already in such chaotic situation that she wanted to just run away, she doesnt wan to put herself in such uncomfortable situation.
the boy got angry and said things like i will go tell my mum (which to her, its equivalent to i will go tell others) about it
At this moment, the girl felt angry, disappointed at being threatened by her own fear, especially by the boy she loved..
how could he do this or say this, without any realisation of the impact
How would one feel or react in such situation
But for her, at that point of time, she felt very angry and disappointed.
'nvm, she would rather let everyone know than to be threaten by her own fear'
to think that she trusted him, yet he used this to threaten and pressurise her.
the girl knows that he always use harsh words thou meant good, that's y many times, she just ignore it, but tis time round.. is jus different
it is abt sth she fears
whether he meant it or not but she felt he must know that there are just some things that one cant say it easily like this or do such thing.
there are some things tt u cant jus say to ppl and u forget abt it, n then expecting ppl to forget/forgive/understand u
words.. is a form of skill
this fear is not sth to be discussed broadly, and easily like its no big deal
everyone's fear is different
there must b a certain factor tt he/she cant face
she felt very angry and disappointed
go ahead and tell everyone.. 'im not afraid. i hate u for sayin tis. i will jus run away. go ahead n laugh, people. n i will hate u, the one who push me to this'.
even after awhile, he is still angry and even said that she is wasting his time, opportunities
all these make her furious
she appreciates his intention, she really does
She could only say that his method is wrong..
forcing and resolving things using his method
this is just not the way..
it is just like at first when she wishes to tell him so tt he could understand, he jus is not attentive and sincere, it is just the same as wat has happened...
she wishes that.. he could be more understanding, gives her time, encouraging her, take things slowly, at her pace, not pressuring her.
understand that she tried, she really did
things kept repeating
no one can help him except himself
harsh words.. and actions.. sometimes cannot be understood and forgiven
especially if the man doesn't realise what he did
tts y some ppl say 如何说话也是一门学问.
if i didnt try or listen to u all, i wouldnt go there in the first place
i wouldnt try to experience tt feeling by closing my eyes thruout the session when its ur turn
but i felt the feelin coming..
so i noe i dun wan
i hate it when i dun feel comfortable
i hate it when i am being forced to do sth
as my loved one, why cant he b more understanding towards tis
why cant he tink of how complicated is the feelin inside at tt moment..
and to think that when at tt moment, i really dun feel comfortable, dun wan go
and he got angry, instead of understanding like 'nvm dear, we will try again nxt time when u feel better ok'
but instead, like pressuring me and said something like u r wasting my time and opportunities
at tis moment.. i am furious!!!
dun understd y he can b like tis
去说吧
and i am a waste of ur time
我顶多。。逃掉。。不再相信。。不再是我
how can i trust u
how can i rely on u
why should i pin such hope
why do i keep trying
why cant u understd all these is cos of wat
why cant u appreciate
and to add on.. i noe i might hav leave a bad impression to the aunties/uncles yday
but at tt moment, i jus wan to stay in my comfort zone
last night i dreamt again..
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